Jokes, Poems & Stories

Jokes, Poems & Stories

SPEED FREAK

Sanjay, a rich guy, loved fast cars and he did have a few in his possession.

He loved to speed and could not be bothered about breaking speed limits.

Many a times he was caught by the cops and speed radars, fined, but still he never bothered until.

One day as he was driving at a very high speed as usual, he saw a cop following him. The cop overtook him finally and asked him to stop and checked his license.

He then took out his pad and started Writing, and then handed over the sheet of paper to Sanjay.

How much was this one going to cost?!!!

Wait a minute.

What was this????

Some kind of joke? Certainly not a ticket.

Sanjay began to read:

"Dear Sanjay,

Once upon a time I had a lovely daughter. She was six when killed by a car.

You guessed it - a speeding driver's car.

A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free. Free to hug his three daughters.

I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven, before I can ever hug her again.

A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man. A thousand times I thought I had.

Maybe I did, but I need to do it again. Even now. Pray for me..

And be careful, Sanjay, my son is all I have left."

Sanjay turned around in time to see the cop's car pull away and head down the road.

He watched until it disappeared.

A full 15 minutes later, he too, pulled away and drove slowly home, praying for forgiveness and hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.

Life is precious. Handle it with care.

SLEEPING KATIE..

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.

"Correct again." Says the teacher.

So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Joey's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!" 
 

Never lie to your Mom 

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…

Love,
Mom.

Jassem is now Johnny

 

Jassem, an Arab child, entered his classroom on the first day of school in Ohio.

"What is your name?" – asked the teacher.

"Jassem". . .. – answered the kid.

"You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny," –replied the teacher.

In the evening, Jassem returned home. "How was your day, Jassem?" – asked his mother.

"My name is not Jassem. I’m in America and now my name is Johnny."

"Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage? Shame on you!" – and she beat him.

Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day Jassem returned to school..

When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "What happened to you little Johnny"?

Well ma'am, 4 hours after I becoming an American, I was attacked by two Arabs at home."

When INNOCENCE Was NATURAL..

I Want To Go Back To The Time

When INNOCENCE Was NATURAL,

Not FAKE.

When GETTING HIGH Meant On A SWING,

Not PROMOTIONS.

When DRINKING Meant RASNA ORANGE,

Not BEERS Or WHISKEYS.

When DAD Was The Only HERO,

Not DEPP Or TOM.

When LOVE Was MOM’S HUG,

Not The GIRL-FRIENDS’.

When DAD’S SHOULDER Was The HIGHEST PLACE On The Earth,

Not Your DESIGNATION.

When Your WORST ENEMIES Were Your SIBLINGS,

Not Your MANAGER.

When The Only Thing That Could HURT Were BLEEDING KNEES,

Not The TEARS Falling Down Your Cheeks. L

When The Only Things BROKEN Were TOYS,

Not The DYING HEARTS. L

And When GOOD-BYES Meant TILL TOMORROW,

Not For YEARS & YEARS.

Life Has Changed A Lot. And The People Too.

But The Thing Is That We Don’t Want To Accept It…!!!

I Am Not The Best But I Am Not Like The Rest...!!

no complaints...no demands...
" Never break four things in your life - Trust, Promise, Relation & Heart because when they break they don`t make noise but pains a lot "
[   hope is a good thing and no good thing has a bad ending  ]


GOD

This is a good story and is true, please read it all the way through until the end! (After the story, there are some very interesting facts!):

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, Literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then
Even my husband did. I did not move an inch.... An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'. His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand..

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..' We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.. I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?' I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son,the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to
LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS -

NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

There is an Angel sent to watch over you.

In order for her to work, you must pass this on to the people you want watched over.

An Angel wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart To handle yourself, use your head..

To handle others, use your heart.

God Gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into its nest.

Abortion

A worried woman went to her Doctor and said :

'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.' So the doctor said: 'Ok, and what do you want me to do?' She said: 'I want you to perform an abortion, and I'm counting on your help with this.' The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms. The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be ok with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution. The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

Categories: Light_Mood_Articles