All best ones together
"Your honour," said the said the smartest lawyer in the in the world,
" my client is not guilty. He merely inserted his arm into a window
and stole some jewelry.His arm is not himself. I fail to see
how you can punish the whole individual for an offence
commited by one arm."
"I agree"nodded the judge. " I hereby sentence the defendant's
arm to one year in prison. He may accompany the arm or not."
"Thank you, Your Honour," said the defendant as he
detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he'd out pace the cop, the
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car speed rose to sixty, then seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: .
Listen, Mister, I have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I'll let you go..
The man thought for a moment and said: .Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me...
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Women.... Women
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off. Otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
PSEUDO PSYCHIC
A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The granddaughter, wide-eyed responds, "Grandma? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really you, Grandma?" the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter. "
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"When did you learn to speak English?"
************ ********* ********* ********* ******8
Loretta .. Nice Joke
Sweet Loretta went to see her doctor.
When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a "discharge".
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so. Then the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to investigate her "private area."
After a couple of seconds he asked, "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my left ear."
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
I Feel Insulted
A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver… "What an ugly baby!", said the driver to the lady.
Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The man next to her asked, "What happened?"
"The driver just insulted me!" she cried. Sympathetic, the man offered, "That bastard, he shouldn't have insulted you! Go, get his number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O G.
Yr 3. Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty k pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho k main aaon?
************ ********* ********* ********* **
Wife To Husband:
Wife:
Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay,
Main aap ko save karti,
Husband:
Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti,
Main her haftay tumhe change karta
************ ********* ********* ********* *******
Ek Ameer Ladki ko School me
Garib Parivar pe Essay Likhne ko Kaha Gya.
Essay me usne Likha:
Ek Garib Parivar tha,
Pita Garib,
Maa Garib,
Bache Garib.
Parivar me4 Naukr the,
wo bhi Gareeb.
Car bi Tutti Hui SAFARI thi.
Unka Garib Driver Bachon ko Tutti Car me School Chhod K Aata tha.
Bachon K paas Purane N95 Mobile the.
Bache Hafte me 3 bar Hi Chicken Khate the.
Ghar me 4 Hi 2nd Hand A.C. The.
Sara Parivar Badi Mushkil se Aish Kar raha tha .
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Laloo parshad jeeee one month bush say english ki traning lekar wapas india aye...
1 din fone aya
laloo jee says
" who is speaking"
dosri taraf say jawab aya
" HUM SUSRA BUSHWA BOLA RAHAY HOON."
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
"Your honour," said the said the smartest lawyer in the in the world,
" my client is not guilty. He merely inserted his arm into a window
and stole some jewelry.His arm is not himself. I fail to see
how you can punish the whole individual for an offence
commited by one arm."
"I agree"nodded the judge. " I hereby sentence the defendant's
arm to one year in prison. He may accompany the arm or not."
"Thank you, Your Honour," said the defendant as he
detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
A man was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking he'd out pace the cop, the
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His car speed rose to sixty, then seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: .
Listen, Mister, I have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I'll let you go..
The man thought for a moment and said: .Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me...
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
Women.... Women
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off. Otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
************ ********* ********* ********* ******
PSEUDO PSYCHIC
A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The granddaughter, wide-eyed responds, "Grandma? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really you, Grandma?" the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter. "
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"When did you learn to speak English?"
************ ********* ********* ********* ******8
Loretta .. Nice Joke
Sweet Loretta went to see her doctor.
When he inquired about her complaint she replied that she suffered from a "discharge".
He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.
She did so. Then the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to investigate her "private area."
After a couple of seconds he asked, "How does that feel?"
"Wonderful," she replied, "but the discharge is from my left ear."
************ ********* ********* ********* *****
I Feel Insulted
A lady with her baby is sitting in a bus beside the driver… "What an ugly baby!", said the driver to the lady.
Feeling insulted, she moved to another seat and murmurred a few things under her breathe. The man next to her asked, "What happened?"
"The driver just insulted me!" she cried. Sympathetic, the man offered, "That bastard, he shouldn't have insulted you! Go, get his number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O G.
Yr 3. Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty k pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho k main aaon?
************ ********* ********* ********* **
Wife To Husband:
Wife:
Jaanu kash aap SMS hotay,
Main aap ko save karti,
Husband:
Jaan-e-man, kaash tum ring tone hoti,
Main her haftay tumhe change karta
************ ********* ********* ********* *******
Ek Ameer Ladki ko School me
Garib Parivar pe Essay Likhne ko Kaha Gya.
Essay me usne Likha:
Ek Garib Parivar tha,
Pita Garib,
Maa Garib,
Bache Garib.
Parivar me4 Naukr the,
wo bhi Gareeb.
Car bi Tutti Hui SAFARI thi.
Unka Garib Driver Bachon ko Tutti Car me School Chhod K Aata tha.
Bachon K paas Purane N95 Mobile the.
Bache Hafte me 3 bar Hi Chicken Khate the.
Ghar me 4 Hi 2nd Hand A.C. The.
Sara Parivar Badi Mushkil se Aish Kar raha tha .
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Laloo parshad jeeee one month bush say english ki traning lekar wapas india aye...
1 din fone aya
laloo jee says
" who is speaking"
dosri taraf say jawab aya
" HUM SUSRA BUSHWA BOLA RAHAY HOON."
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Categories:
Funny_And_Strange
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